For My Dear
by Salazarfalcon
Summary: Hisoka’s nightmares are something he can’t escape, and he’s prepared to deal with that. But something he isn’t ready for is accepting help, until one night, when an epiphany is made. Nightmares one can get used to, falling in love, on the other hand, is s


For My Dear

Salazarfalcon

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Yes, I changed the title form what it was on my journal. Yeah. Don't ask.

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WARNINGS: Light slash. Don't like it, don't read it. No one is forcing you.

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DISCLAIMER: NO. Just no.

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I hate it when he worries, I hate seeing it broadcasted in his eyes. I hate that he can read me like he does, hate that he knows just when I need comfort the most.. I hate that he doesn't get angry with me when I push him away and cop an attitude with him, hate that he understands that I don't really want him to leave. But most of all, I hate his caring for me, hate the fact that despite what I do he still refuses to leave me.

I also love that about him.

Love how excited he gets when I let him push me into going with him to the living world to some café and letting him eat sweets. Love how he always seems to know how I feel and just how far he is allowed to push me. Love how he insists on taking care of me. Love how protective he is of me, knowing that if he were still alive that he would die for me.

He knows when I have nightmares, and when I call out in my sleep for him, I know that when I wake, terrified and shaking, that he'll be there. Standing over me, he'll stare at me, amethyst eyes wide and worried, and if I'm crying he'll get down on his knees and hold me. More often than not, I'll fall asleep like that and in the morning I'll be wrapped carefully up in my bed, and he'll still be there. Up and most likely making breakfast, but he'll still be there.

Just so I know that if I need him, he's there.

When it comes to Tsuzuki Asato, I, Kurosaki Hisoka, don't have a clue.

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It's happened again. The nightmares were particularly vicious tonight, but ceaselessly I told myself angrily, refusing to cry out,

_I won't call for him. I'm not a child, I don't want him here. I don't need him._

I'm such a liar.

I've always known that.

Silently, I sat up, eyeing the bare walls of my room and the shelves and cabinets stocked with nothing but the bare essentials. It's so empty, and the moon in my window casts strange shadows on everything. So cold.

_I'm scared._

Tsuzuki's always warm.

_But I made up my mind, _I told myself, _I can get through a night without him, I did it every night when I was alive. _Ha. Ha. Like that does any good at all.

After several minutes of simply staring around my room, I scowled at my childishness and at my folly. Sighing, I lay back down and pulled the comforter up around my chin, snuggling into it and closing my eyes.

_Something's wrong._

I wasn't frightened, but my heart pounded up in my chest and I couldn't seem to relax, and I was confused, until suddenly the realization came up and whacked on the head like on Hey Hey Hey. (1)

_I'm lonely._

Not just physically lonely, but a deep, soul-shattering feeling of solitary that resounds throughout your very being and makes you shiver from the pain.

_I don't like this._

I don't like it, this feeling that was the only one truly belonging to me besides anger and pain for the first sixteen years of my life. I need it gone.

Slowly, I open my eyes again.

_This isn't working_, I told myself, tilting my head up to watch the stars out my window. And it wasn't.

Suddenly, with a tense, nervous energy that for all purposes shouldn't have belonged to me, I got to my feet and pulled on a pair of black yoga pants and a white tank top, before reaching into a drawer in the table beside me bed, and pulling out a single key attached to a key ring shaped like a pikachu.

Tsuzuki gave me that key to his apartment after a particularly nasty night, along with the ring, and in exchange I gave him one to mine, if only so that he would stop busting down my door every night. So far, I haven't used mine.

It always amazes me, that even in the darkest of nights like this one, I can sense his warmth. Like a fire, it draws me close, but I always pull away before I can find out if it will burn me.

On assignments, I've gotten quite used to sleeping with my partner. The majority of the time, we end up in a hotel with grungy walls and one small bed, a fact that took me quite a long time to get used to, but have now simply accepted as part of the job. I must admit, it's always disconcerting to sleep in a place where others' emotions pound so strongly ina rather gross,oily residue, and Tsuzuki knows how I feel about it, and never mentions it when he finds me being rather clingy in my sleep.

I just consider myself lucky that Tsuzuki doesn't toss and turn, which would inevitably lead to my painful encounter with Floor-san. Unfortunately, due to this, I soon discovered me terrible sleeping habit of heat-seeking, which in a nutshell leads me to snuggling up with my partner in my sleep.

God, please send me to hell in a matchbox.

Tsuzuki's apartment is always absurdly messy, but carries a warm, welcoming feeling, something I appreciate only deep in my mind. Silent, I made my way past his kitchen, through his living room, before pushing open his bedroom door with a soft creak.

Suddenly, a feeling of complete and utter stupidity washed over me.

What the hell was I doing, just walking in like that! Lord, I didn't even call ahead first. I scowled at myself for acting like such a kid but then I figured, _Hey, I'm already here,_ so I might as well stay.

_I'm **such **a child._

Sighing in resignation to my fate, I padded over to his bed and pulled back his blanket, my blush reflex initiating, and slid in next to him.

It was really quite soothing to be so close and I felt myself automatically relax, feeling nothing but Tsuzuki's content, happy emotions. Almost by instinct I snuggled up against him, rather relieved that he didn't wake, and let out a deep breath.

Suddenly, I jolted.

"'Soka-chan?" the amethyst eyes were open and curious, but holding a light overtone of concern and worry, as did the emotions he radiated. "Are you okay?" I couldn't bring myself to answer him and I only nodded, feeling more like a little kid than I had in a long while. He waited me out, and slowly his worry changed to a strange contentment, before he reached out and pulled me close, one arm around my waist and the other curling around my shoulders.

I blinked, but nevertheless allowed the close contact and curled up, enjoying the feeling of being held and protected by my partner.

"'Soka-chan?" he muttered.

"Hai?" I replied, breathing deeply.

"It'll be okay, you know. You won't have to be scared forever," his voice was soft, and undeniably gentle, "I'll always be here for you, and I'll always protect you."

I know you will, Tsuzuki, and that's one of the things that scares me so. I don't know why you want me or why you feel so deeply for me, and I don't know why you put up with me.

I don't really like being touched and I want to be left alone; I'm kind of rude and sarcastic and I've got a bad attitude and I know it. I know I'm difficult to handle and to speak to and I'm too paranoid for my own good. I'm hard to care for.

But you take it in stride and do it anyway.

You're so gentle with me, always. So caring and understanding when it comes to me, so protective and loving, sometimes I can't stand it.

Why, I don't know or understand. I don't think I want to.

So as long as you want me, as long as you want me by your side, as long as you care about me, I'll allow you, oblige you, accept you.

Love you.

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_I love you._

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-_Finite-_


End file.
